Friday, September 04, 2009

THE BOSS - The Final Showdown from the 1983 Show 2009

Guile Vs. M-Bison!!! This is one of the most important and emotionally driven pieces i have ever made in my life EVER! It comes straight from a dark time in my childhood when friendships were scorched and life dangled on the black wire of a SEGA Megadrive controller. Lets paint this 16 Bit picture. It was the mid 90s and my best friend who for legal reasons we will call no sorry thats last years name sorry, its Kevin-K. So Kevin Keogh...ahhhhh shit sorry Im gonna have his legal team Hickey Inc. on the phone any minute now. TUT TUT!!! So K-Balls and me, we would play Street Fighter 2 on the SEGA like we made the game. We were pretty shit hot at it. Everyday after school we beat the shit outta each other for hours and we both had a our favourite characters. K-beans was Guile.
He had a serious crush on the Yellow haired Soldier. He actually said when walking into his house one day eating a Taz Bar that if he could meet anyone in the world it would be Guile. His obsession with Guile made him belive he was REAL! He would fight with hairdressers as a boy begging them to take out his fro curls and make them straight and yellow. When I asked K-teen what he wanted to be after we did our Leaving Cert he replied "I wanna be Guile". Kev took pride that his dad was in the Army and used this as some link having met the real Guile when he visited Israel. But through years of internal investigations It was been made aware that this meeting with Guile was either meeting his little brother Mark outside the bathroom one morning or seeing a man in uniform across the road in a car park.
My favourite character was M-Bison because he was fast, had quick moves, totally evil and sneaky and K-Raz hated that. He would be all about Sonic Booms and Flash Kicks(which he couldnt do with fluke rapid button tapping). I was all about Psycho Crushers and Flip Kicks and Head Stomps and the trouble making SLIDE!!! Yes the Slide. The slide is what made this one showdown like no other, which I have immortalised as an artistic piece forever.
We were going head to head and for some reason the tensions were high i dunno why maybe K-Nash was excited about his parents getting new windows in or it was take away night. It was tense i tells ya. My mother would keep checking on us as she reported hearing the breaking of finger bones off the plastic buttons. The tapping still keeps her awake at night to this day. K-ratz beat me in the first round. IT WASN'T PERFECT. (he never got a perfect on me EVER) I beat his NAVY Base ass in the second round. Psycho Crushered him to the floor and put him through a barrel which dramatically broke in two halves and then disappeared. It was the final round and K-9's controller kept slipping from his paw as the sweat trickled from his crown. I sat as calm as a Hindu cow but even Holy cows shit themselves. I could hear those freaks in the background sitting under that plane screaming Guiles name, they didnt like me cause I was wearing red on a military base. I had to show them I was setting a trend of ass kicking. Then BOOM! ROUND 3 started like a sour Rowntree's sweet. I was high soured against a barrel. UGHHHHHHH!!!! Flash kicked the dick off me. Fluke I cried. I stomped on his head to take him down a size now he knew it was personal. Aw punched in the face, once, twice, three times a lady. PSYCHO CRUSHER!!! Blocked!!! Fluke I cry but it come out Phluk in my aggression speech. The timer was goin down only 43 seconds left and my red bar was well premenstral. I hhad to pull out some tricks Im sure M-Bison learned when training with the IRA in the early 70s. UGHHHHHHHH!!! UGGGHHHHHHHHH! DHSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! I was sliding like a slush puppy on speed. SONIC BOOM ahhhh more like SONIC GLOOM!!! Guile was taken a beating and K-Yop was having a prepubesint stroke. The timer was hitting 11 seconds all he needed was at least a 8 hit combo n maybe a Sonic Boom to me jaw bone. He copuldnt do it. I had M-Bison on the Slide. Again and again I slide under him like a school yard practicle joke. One more hit, ONE MORE HIT!!!






I won. K-Lose didnt even blink his eyes bled failure. I reached a smug hand of victory his was with it cocked n locked to do a 'Tooo slowww'. he wasnt breathing. I yawned out loud like the victory was effortless. He began to shiver in anger. I clicked my finger in the air hoping a beautiful woman would throw a towel over me. He turned his head towards me with his neck clicking like an old pull back toy car. I smiled at him and said politely; "sickened"! He turned K-NUTS!

He jumped up like a Knacker prize figher. Screaming at me, spitting anger pelets at me, throwing non friendly eyes at me. I tried to calm him by laughing in his little red face. he threw the Megadrive controller off the counter top hitting me small portable tele in its glassy front. Damaged!!! He knew he could never hold that controller again and was already pissed off he was palyer 2 again anyway. He nudged me out of the way in some mubly teary ransacking of emotions. He crab walked over to the door and spun his head 360 my direction and every word he spoke was green and smelled of Linda Blair. He was projecting verbal hate my way for at least 1.2 seconds but it felt like a life time. He galloped on all fours towards the front door, slamming every door on his way and he only had to pass through 2. By the time he got to the front door i was wiping his tears from my face that he had spat at me. He made sure he turned up his volume at the door so I could hear him. " CCCCCCCUNTIn PRIIICK"!SLAM! He left. SLAM AGAIN!! the porch door. SLAMMMM AGAIN!!! He returned to slam the porch door again. I ran to the window hoping he wasnt 100 hand slapping the shit out of me da's car thinking he was still in the game. What I saw was a wet face child sticking his finger up at everything outside my house. He then dashed to his house with his girly arms blowing in the wind above his head, the curse words like brail coming out of an exhaust. I put my bleeding bruised hand (from the battle) on the window and asked the Lord to 'please strike him down with lightening'. K-VIN didnt speak to me for 2 months after that. He lived just one house away. He would pass me in the morning on his bike like something in Road Rash. It was the toughest 2 months of his life because he knew i had gotten Steet Fighter 2 Turbo Edition and NBA JAM and also WRESTLE MANIA from a friend. To stick a hot poker in his envy wound I asked his brother and sisters up to play them whenever they wanted EVERYDAY!!!

To this day it remains a mystery what happened to K-NK. Some say he went to work on a U.S Airforce base in Navada cleaning toilets. Others say he lives in Blackpool doing temporary tattoos of American flags. There was even reported sightings of him teaching children in a school in Dublin how to do a perfect Sonic Boom and Flash Kick. Where ever he is now we wish him the best and God bless that he gets hit by lightening

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